Call 911
by SlayerKitty00
Summary: Logan and Duncan get drunk after Aaron's verdict is announced, and wackiness ensues. Spoilers: Through 2.22.


Authors: Myself and forcedmovement (from )

Character/Pairing: Logan, Duncan

Spoilers: Through 2.22 to be safe.

Summary: Logan and Duncan get drunk after Aaron's verdict is announced, and wackiness ensues.

A/N: This story was inspired by actual conversations between FM and myself. I suddenly realized that this had never been posted here, and because I love it, I'm going to put it up. :)

* * *

Duncan found Logan slumped against the bed in the guest room of the pool house, drinking from a bottle of alcohol. He took in Logan's appearance: The loosened tie, the unbuttoned shirt, the now messy hair. He in no way resembled the Logan that had been in court today, all ice on the surface.

"Logan, man." Duncan said from the door way. "What are you doing?"

"What's it look like?" Logan replied, sounding angry and lost. "Drinking duh nuh nuh nuh nuh, Tequila!" He gestured his arms wildly as he quoted the famous song, sloshing the liquid in the bottle.

"You shouldn't be out here." Duncan said, walking over to where his friend sat on the floor.

"Where should I be, then?" Logan asked. "Got no where else to be."

"Why don't we go in and get you something to eat." Duncan suggested.

"Whatever you say, man." Logan acquiesced, surprising Duncan. Logan didn't help much, but Duncan managed to get his arm around him and helped him towards the house. Logan stumbled as they walked by the pool, and Duncan nearly dropped him. Logan thought that was hysterical, based on his wild laughter. They made it to the door, and Duncan struggled to get Logan inside and into a kitchen chair. Logan started laughing again.

"What's so funny?" Duncan demanded.

"The last time I talked to my dad, he was making shellfish." Logan said as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

"So?" Duncan replied.

"I'm allergic to shellfish." Logan laughed so hard that he slipped out of his chair and fell to the floor. Duncan sighed and spied the Tequila bottle in Logan's hand. He snagged it quickly, and took a large swig.

He needed to be really drunk for this.

* * * * *

Duncan drained the last drop of his bottle, eyeing Logan over its rim. Logan seemed not to notice, staring up at the ceiling and occasionally giggling. Duncan finally gave in.

"Dude. What the hell do you keep laughing about?" Logan glanced over at him, wide-eyed, that same stupid grin on his face. He opened his mouth, presumably to respond, but all that came out was a snicker as he winked at Duncan. Sober Duncan would have rolled his eyes and ignored Logan. But Sober Duncan left the building a long time ago, and Drunken Duncan was back in full force. He tumbled off the couch and stood up on his feet, wobbling slightly. "I hereby declare that now…is time to eat."

Logan snorted and rubbed his forehead. "I'll alert the media."

Duncan walked unsteadily towards the refrigerator, with only one thought on his mind. Food. Lots of it. Or not. Duncan threw open the refrigerator door and stared at the contents inside. Lime jello. That was it. Containers of homemade lime jello sat untouched on the shelves, staring back at him, mocking him with their presence.

"Why is jello the only thing you have to eat?" Logan contorted into a strange position from his place on the couch, so his feet were slung over the back and his head hung upside down off the front. How he did this without falling onto the floor, Duncan didn't know.

Logan shrugged and said "It's a conspiracy."

"You made them dumbass." Duncan grabbed the smallest package of jello out of the fridge and flung it at Logan's head. Logan slid down the couch so his head touched the floor, and the container zoomed over his chest. It splattered against his leg, and lime jello rained down on Logan as he sat upside down. Disgruntled, he maneuvered into an upright position.

"Hey, what was that for?" He exclaimed. Duncan shrugged, leaning against the refrigerator. Not to be out done, Logan picked up the now empty container, plucked as much of the jello as he could off of his clothes, and put it back inside. Then he promptly threw the container at Duncan's head. It splattered against the door of the refrigerator, turning the arm of Duncan's white dress shirt green.

"You are so dead." Duncan threatened, grabbing another plastic container of jello out of the fridge and chucking at Logan. Logan managed to catch this one, no small feat as he was teetering unsteadily. He threw it back at Duncan, hitting him square in the chest.

"Two points!" Logan crowed, raising his fist in the air...only to have a mound of jello hit him in the face. The teens stared at each other a second, before charging. Logan tackled Duncan, smearing green jello everywhere. They wrestled for a few more minutes, embedding lime green jello into the carpet. Panting, both boys lay on their backs, the wrestling over with for the moment. They were smeared with lime green jello from head to toe.

"Dude, there's jello everywhere." Duncan pointed out, pretty sure he was actually laying on some. Logan looked at the floor and giggled, then swore. "What?" Duncan asked.

"I know what that jello was for." Logan answered, trying to sit up. "Jello shots, my man. Jello shots."

"Are you serious? You had it in bowls." Duncan noted.

"Well ok…it's not so much for shots as it is for dessert." Logan headed for the fridge, glad to see there were still two untouched containers of jello inside. He grabbed them and grinned.

"Logan, you do realize that you're already drunk?" Duncan pointed out.

"Can you still sing the alphabet?" Logan asked.

"Yeah." Duncan answered, not getting it.

"Then we're not drunk enough."

* * * * *

"I'm still hungry." Duncan whined, as he lay sprawled out on the floor. Logan slumped back against the couch and slurred as he spoke.

"What, the jello wasn't enough for you?"

Duncan groaned and clutched his stomach. "Need….food."

"I'll order pizza if you stop complaining." Logan pulled himself up to his feet and grinned at the accomplishment. He stumbled over to the phone, though that was hindered by the fact that Duncan had grabbed his leg. Logan immediately toppled sideways and slammed into the couch. Grumbling, he pushed himself back up and glared at Duncan through fuzzy vision. "What the hell are you doing?" Duncan clutched at Logan's leg as if his life depended on it.

He choked out "Not…pizza. Chinese food. House of Wu! WOOOOO." Logan yanked his foot out of Duncan's grasp, somehow managing to keep his balance. He rolled his eyes and responded.

"Fine. Chill. I don't know why you care. It's not like your taste buds are even working at this point." Duncan slumped back down onto the floor, watching as Logan picked up the phone. Logan stared at the pile of takeout menus by the phone, trying to focus on them. He saw one that looked vaguely Chinese and grabbed it victoriously. He dialed the wrong number 4 times before he managed to hit all the right numbers in the right order. "Hello, House of Wu?"

Hysterical laughter erupted from the floor, as did cries of "House of WOOOOO". Logan quickly exited, taking the phone into another room. Duncan was left, laughing to himself, on the floor.

* * * * *

Logan walked back into the room to find Duncan right where he'd left him, on the floor, giggling.

"Food should be here soon." Logan slurred, flopping down on the couch. Duncan giggled again.

"Good. I want some Woooo!" He practically wailed. Logan glared at him.

"I knew it was a mistake to get me drunk as I am." He stumbled out the words and then frowned. "To get you drunk as I am." He corrected.

"Too late now." Duncan managed, pulling himself up into a sitting position.

"I'm bored." Logan propped his chin up with his fist, as it had grown strangely heavy.

"We could play poker." Duncan suggested.

"You're too drunk to play poker." Logan shot the suggestion down.

"We could play quarters." Duncan replied, patting himself awkwardly, as if he was looking for something. "I don't have any quarters, but we could play."

"Too much effort." Logan said.

"I could kick your ass at X-men." Duncan offered, gesturing to the game console on the floor near by.

"It wouldn't even be a competition." Logan replied, shifting on the couch. The TV flicked on, as if by magic. Both boys stared at it in confusion. Logan began digging around into the couch, and triumphantly pulled out the remote. He and Duncan exchanged a smile as Logan fumbled with the buttons to change the channels. He got the hang of it and was flipping along until Duncan stopped him.

"Hey, go back!" Duncan exclaimed.

"To what?" Logan asked.

"Just do it." Duncan told him.

"There." He told Logan where to stop. Logan stared in horror at the cartoon on the screen in front of them, but didn't have time to comment because the doorbell chose that moment to ring. "Hey, it's the house of wooooo!" Duncan shouted.

"Why don't you go get it then?" Logan practically shouted, annoyed with Duncan's obsession with the Chinese restaurant.

"Dude, it's your house." Duncan replied, staring at the tv. "I thought you were starving, dumbass." Logan replied, glaring.

"Wait for a commercial." Duncan told him, as the doorbell rang a second time.

Logan sighed and stared at the distance between the couch and the door. It had never looked so far before. He couldn't expect any help from Duncan, who had practically expected a gold star just for sitting up. For what would hopefully be the last time today, Logan pulled himself to his feet and wobbled over to the door. Accepting the food and paying for it at the same time were difficult. Logan marveled at his own ability to stand somewhat still without having to lean against anything for support. If anyone deserved that gold star…

Logan dropped the food on the floor next to Duncan and collapsed next to him. Duncan squealed happily and clumsily attempted to open the bag. He finally managed to pull out an eggroll and proudly held it above his head, grinning like an idiot. Logan snorted.

"Dude, it's an eggroll, not the Goddamn WWE championship belt." Duncan paused in his eggroll worship to look over and stare at Logan.

"Dude, you don't even like wrestling." Logan opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by Duncan who had started to sing along with the cartoon. "One is a genius, the other's insane. They're laboratory mice, their genes have been spliced. They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain" Logan winced and smacked Duncan with a chopstick.

"Every. Single. Time. Man, you shouldn't be this excited over singing the word 'brain'. I'm starting to think you're a zombie." Glancing back at the screen, he saw that the Animaniacs had popped up. "What the hell are those things anyway?"

"Dogs. I think. Maybe….I mean, they have ears." Duncan offered as an explanation.

Logan paused a moment to register this information before turning calmly to Duncan and stating "I have ears."

Duncan snorted at the exact minute he swallowed a piece of the eggroll. He made a gasping noise and grabbed his throat. Logan stared at him, unsure.

"Uh…dude? You ok?" Duncan continued to grab his throat and started bouncing urgently. Logan started to panic. "Are you…are you CHOKING?" Duncan nodded urgently at him. Logan leapt to his feet, wringing his hands and swearing. "Oh shit. Phone, phone, where the hell is the phone." Spotting it lying on the floor a few feet away, Logan lunged and grabbed it. Dialing 911 quickly, he started bouncing up and down on his toes with impatience.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"He's choking on an eggroll! And we were just talking and all I said was "I have ears", but it made sense because ears don't prove that they're dogs, and he was singing about brains like two seconds ago, and now he's turning blue!"

"Ok. Sir, I need you to calm down and answer a few questions. Is he breathing?"

"Did you not just hear what I said? He's not breathing! He's blue! He's turning into a fucking Smurf!"

"Is he conscious?"

"Uh…yea. I think so. He's not lying on the floor or anything. He's getting bluer though. Is bluer a word?"

"Try and focus. Do you know the Heimlich?"

"Wait, what? Did you just ask me to lick something?"

"Sir….are you inebriated?"

"Are you?" A long sigh came over the phone and the voice spoke again, somewhat less patient than before.

"Do you think you can attempt to do the Heimlich?"

"I-I don't know."

"Alright, well I'm going to walk you through this. First, is he sitting up?"

"Yea."

"I need you to get behind him and put a fist midway between his belly button and the bottom of his ribcage, and thrust up."

"Dude. I'm not putting my arms around him." Another long sigh.

"Then just hold on. The ambulance will be there shortly."

*****

The operator wasn't lying, as the paramedics came screeching to a halt outside in less than ten minutes. To Logan though, sitting there and staring at Duncan, they seemed to be taking their sweet time. Finally, he heard the pounding on the front door.

"Paramedics, open up!" They shouted from outside, and Logan got up, stumbling to the door. He finally made it,wrenching the door open. "Where is he?" The first guy demanded.

"Over there." Logan pointed to Duncan, who's color, despite Logan's exaggeration over the phone, was not as bad as it could be. The paramedics looked him over, and laid him down on the floor.

"How much have you had to drink, son?" Another paramedic asked. Logan stared as the other guys worked on Duncan.

"Not enough." He managed to get out. The next few minutes flew by in a blur. Logan remembered answering questions, and watching as they worked on his friend, and before he knew it, they were loading him up on a stretcher and wheeling him out to the ambulance. "Is he going to be ok?" Logan finally asked one of the paramedics. The other guy sighed.

"I can't really say." He told Logan. "There's some good news, though."

"What's that? You just saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to Geico? " Logan replied bitterly.

"Whatever it was he was choking on, he managed to swallow before he passed out." The paramedic told him. Logan started, and felt his face break into a grin.

"He really does love those eggrolls." Logan told the EMT, before walking over to where they were loading up Duncan. His color already looked better, and despite the needles and the oxygen mask, he was sure Duncan would be ok. Needless to say, Logan was surprised when he felt the cool metal of handcuffs being slipped on to his wrists. "What..." He started to say, outraged. Lamb smirked as Logan wrenched his neck around so he could see who it was.

"Logan Echolls, you're under arrest for underage drinking, and contributing to the deliquency of a minor." Lamb started to read him his rights, leading him over to the cruiser nearby. Logan hadn't even seen the police arrive, he'd been so worried about Duncan.

"Gee, Sheriff." Logan said as soon as Lamb had finished informing him that he had the right to remain silent. "I had no idea you were so kinky." Lamb shoved him roughly in reply, and Logan stumbled as they walked. "Where's a video camera when you need one?" Logan snarked.

"I don't know, Logan." Lamb replied. "Maybe we missed one in your pool house." Logan went silent, angry. Lamb nearly tossed him in the back of the cruiser, and they sped off.

*****

Logan paced around his cell, grateful that he was alone. He could only imagine what it would be like for him if there were others in the cell. Leo chose that moment to walk back and check on him.

"Crockett!" Logan exclaimed, squinting at Leo intensely. Leo inhaled sharply, a sarcastic smile forming on his face. He approached the bars.

"Why is it that every time I've seen you, you've been drunk?" Leo asked.

"It's part of my charm" Logan replied, putting his hands on the bars. "Don't I get a phone call??" He went on, slurring a little. "Or did the good Sheriff decide to forget all about me?"

"You haven't had your call yet?" Leo questioned him, surprised.

"Do you really think I'd still be here, Tubbs, if I had?" Logan shot back.

Leo sighed, unlocked the cell door, and took Logan by the arm. He silently led him upfront, ignoring Logan's attempts to goad him into a conversation. He took out his handcuffs, and handcuffed Logan do the desk.

"Oh, Deputy Leo." Logan said. "What will people think?" Leo glared, grabbing the phone and setting it next to Logan on the desk.

"One call." Leo said, and sat in the chair next to him. Logan picked up the phone, and slowly dialed a familiar number. A female voice answered after several rings.

"Veronica, hi..."


End file.
